Relationships: Are You a Giver or Taker?

Note: From early February to mid-March, I taught a series of lessons on sexuality and relationships for the youth group at First Baptist Church in Webster, WI. This article, hopefully followed by a number of others, will draw from those talks.


Some men follow rainbows, I am told,
Some search for silver, some for gold
But I have found my treasure is in your soul
All I ever need is you

Without love I would never find the way
Through ups and downs of ever single day
And I won’t ever sleep at night until I hear you say
“All I ever need is you”

With these words, Kenny Rogers and Dottie West conclude their country hit song, “All I Ever Need is You.” The song is about romantic relationships, and we as humans, both young and old alike, naturally find ourselves identifying with the message. Of course, God has created love, and it is a wonderful thing is his eyes, but is this song an attitude a young man or woman should have in a relationship? Or, more pointedly, could one feel these words and truly be loving? I would suggest that although they seem innocent enough, these lyrics are NOT loving, but rather selfish and idolatrous.

To see how this works out, let’s look to the Bible. In the beginning of time, God made Adam and Eve, and he proclaims everything as being “very good.” Given as a test, a tree is placed in the center of the Garden, and God forbids the happy couple from eating of its fruits. After some time, the serpent comes along, makes God’s rules look terrible, and convinces Eve to eat of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. In the events following hereafter, we learn three things about relationships: Adam chose gift over Giver, a conflict between the sexes ensued, and a hope for redemption was administered.

We first learn that Adam chose gift over Giver. When Eve ate of the fruit, she disobeyed God. Adam, who was standing right beside Eve, was then presented with this fruit, and it was at this time that he had an incredible choice to make. On the one hand, he could obey God’s commands and trust him, or on the other hand, he could enter into sin with the gift given to him, his wife. He chose poorly. He turned to Eve and said, “I think I will find true life with you, obeying you, rather than obeying God and getting my life from him.” Sadly, Adam did not realize that Eve was given as an aid and complement rather than one that could fulfill.

Secondly, as soon as Adam placed Eve above the place of God, conflict ensued. Though he should have taken responsibility for what he had done, Adam cowardly places the blame on God and Eve (“The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate” 3:12). The woman is cursed, having a desire to manipulate men through beauty and sex, serving their own desires rather than the glory of God (3:16). The man is cursed in relation to his sphere, the field, where he will now struggle to provide for his wife and family. Idolatry in relationships did not pan out well.

Finally, we see hope for redemption. In Geneses 3:21, an animal dies to cover the nakedness of Adam and Eve. Their sin caused the death of another. All the progeny of Adam and Eve have found themselves elevating different things to the level of ULTIMATE, and this often includes the opposite sex. We are cursed, drowning in our inward-bent. Someone needed to become a curse, like the lamb, and die so that we could be released from that curse. That man was Jesus Christ. He came so that we could finally be givers and leaders and nurturers rather than simply takers, expecting others to satisfy us. In Christ, we can finally truly love our boyfriends/girlfriends, fiancé, or spouse by pointing them to God rather than self to find true fulfillment.

Are you looking to another boy or girl to fulfill you? Are you pining away for a relationship, thinking that you will only be satisfied if you have it? This approach did not work well for Adam and Eve, and it will not work well for you. Only when you trust in God as the wellspring of life (Ps. 16:11), are you then truly ready for a relationship, being a giver rather than just a taker.